Friday, June 28, 2013
Tired Mom
These are not my words...someone posted this on facebook. As it was a re-post of a re-post I couldn't track down the original author. If anyone can provide a name...let me know as I'd love to give credit where credit is due.
For the days we are running on empty. For the days we just don't think we have it in us to read one more story, play one more game of Uno, wash one more round of sheets. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we're sure anyone else would do this job better.
For those days. You know the ones.
Repeat after me:
1. I shall not judge my house, my kid's summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.
2. I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.
3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we're building.
4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they're already in their pajamas.
5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.
6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.
7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.
8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.
9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.
10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.
11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.
12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.
13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.
14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness.
15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.
16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.
17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.
18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.
19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.
20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.
... with love from one tired mother to another.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Lessons of the Game
It was a typical day here in Northwest NJ---it had been quite warm, nearly 70 degrees for the middle part of the day, but now it's 6:00pm and clouds were moving in, making the parents glad they'd brought a jacket. The wind at the ball field began to pick up too. The baseball game is underway and there are hits, catches, throws and steals by both teams.
This is recreation baseball for 10-year old's so all the boys are from the same town, go to school at one of three elementary schools here. Many have been playing since T-ball at the age of 5. Dads coach the teams, assist in the dugout, warm up pitchers, and provide plenty of advice on the proper way to hold the bat.
The boys do their best to run the bases properly, pay attention in the outfield and cover the bases the way coach taught them. A mistake here, a panicked throw there and the Red Sox have the game well in hand.
A player for the Red Sox hits a home run and puts them even further ahead of the Yankees. The coach pulls the Yankees together and reminds them of several lessons they'd covered in practice that week. "Let's refocus and play the way we know we can!" he tells them. The boys get the third out and end the top of the fourth inning.
Hitting continues to be a struggle for the Yankees. The boys don't score in the bottom of the fourth, but still keep their enthusiasm as they head out into the field for the top of the fifth and final inning. By this time the clouds are high and the sun has set. Daylight hours have turned to minutes...as the light is dwindling.
The first batter on the Red Sox scores, making it 13-6. Another batter gets on base, as the Yankees fastest pitcher is on the mound. Then, a strikeout. The next batter gets a little shove out of the dugout by his dad. He's reluctant to stand in the batter's box. He walks instead over to his coach who is coaching third. The boy would rather do anything than face the pitcher. He and the coach talk for quite a while which draws the attention of the rest of the players, coaches and parents.
The Yankees coach starts encouraging the reluctant child to take his at bat. The Yankees pitcher adds a clap and words of encouragement. "Matthew" it begins quietly. Slowly building - the chant - Mat-thew, Mat-thew, Mat-thew, MAT-THEW! Before you know it, both teams, all coaches and parents are cheering loudly for a tearful frightened boy! He steps into the batters box and the pitcher kindly tosses a gentle pitch to the catcher. Swing and a miss. Two more soft tosses and the batter is out, but the cheering was for Matthew and for facing his fear!
The Yankees are re-ignited by the impending end of the game, their experience with Matthew and proceed to score three runs in the bottom of the fifth inning, making the final score a respectable 13-9.
During the shaking of hands after the last out, Matthew was surrounded by all the boys on both teams and congratulated. The lessons learned on this ball field had little to do with baseball, and more to do with life.
Sportsmanship is so often overlooked when players and coaches are stuck on Winning. How unrealistic to have Winning as the only goal, the be-all-end-all to sports. The Yankees haven't won a game this season so far, but still found it in their hearts to reach out to a classmate who was having a hard time. That is a real champion in my book!
(The name of the boy has been changed for his privacy, as well as team names.)
This is recreation baseball for 10-year old's so all the boys are from the same town, go to school at one of three elementary schools here. Many have been playing since T-ball at the age of 5. Dads coach the teams, assist in the dugout, warm up pitchers, and provide plenty of advice on the proper way to hold the bat.
The boys do their best to run the bases properly, pay attention in the outfield and cover the bases the way coach taught them. A mistake here, a panicked throw there and the Red Sox have the game well in hand.
A player for the Red Sox hits a home run and puts them even further ahead of the Yankees. The coach pulls the Yankees together and reminds them of several lessons they'd covered in practice that week. "Let's refocus and play the way we know we can!" he tells them. The boys get the third out and end the top of the fourth inning.
Hitting continues to be a struggle for the Yankees. The boys don't score in the bottom of the fourth, but still keep their enthusiasm as they head out into the field for the top of the fifth and final inning. By this time the clouds are high and the sun has set. Daylight hours have turned to minutes...as the light is dwindling.
The first batter on the Red Sox scores, making it 13-6. Another batter gets on base, as the Yankees fastest pitcher is on the mound. Then, a strikeout. The next batter gets a little shove out of the dugout by his dad. He's reluctant to stand in the batter's box. He walks instead over to his coach who is coaching third. The boy would rather do anything than face the pitcher. He and the coach talk for quite a while which draws the attention of the rest of the players, coaches and parents.
The Yankees coach starts encouraging the reluctant child to take his at bat. The Yankees pitcher adds a clap and words of encouragement. "Matthew" it begins quietly. Slowly building - the chant - Mat-thew, Mat-thew, Mat-thew, MAT-THEW! Before you know it, both teams, all coaches and parents are cheering loudly for a tearful frightened boy! He steps into the batters box and the pitcher kindly tosses a gentle pitch to the catcher. Swing and a miss. Two more soft tosses and the batter is out, but the cheering was for Matthew and for facing his fear!
The Yankees are re-ignited by the impending end of the game, their experience with Matthew and proceed to score three runs in the bottom of the fifth inning, making the final score a respectable 13-9.
During the shaking of hands after the last out, Matthew was surrounded by all the boys on both teams and congratulated. The lessons learned on this ball field had little to do with baseball, and more to do with life.
Sportsmanship is so often overlooked when players and coaches are stuck on Winning. How unrealistic to have Winning as the only goal, the be-all-end-all to sports. The Yankees haven't won a game this season so far, but still found it in their hearts to reach out to a classmate who was having a hard time. That is a real champion in my book!
(The name of the boy has been changed for his privacy, as well as team names.)
Monday, April 15, 2013
Compassion
Monday, April 15, 2013
Today's blog entry has been written by guest blogger Beth Paulino.
Today's blog entry has been written by guest blogger Beth Paulino.
I was trolling on Facebook recently and came across a page that caught my eye. A friend of mine had commented on it and with one click, I was pulled into the world of a very sick little boy whose parents are desperately doing everything they can to save their child.
It surprised me how quickly and how deeply I became both involved and invested in his fight to survive the many obstacles in front of this poor child. Not wanting to add to her burdens but anxious to help if I could, I tentatively reached out to his mother through the FB page. Given the very long hospital stay her son is facing, I asked if she would be comfortable with us sending one of our electronic gaming devices for him to play with. She wrote back later that night and said that would be so kind, that his had broken his first night in the hospital, and offered her thanks. I was overjoyed—there was something for me to do. I got my kids involved. They made cards, took a picture of themselves and recorded a message for the sick boy, and we sent it all off—overnight delivery. We all felt elated. It felt so good to be able to do something for him.
I found myself checking on the child’s FB page often, as we were now not just concerned strangers but an entire family that felt a personal connection to him. His mother had written that they’d received it, he’d played it all day the day it had arrived, and he’d had a rare giggle at my childrens’ message. It was the most wonderful feeling to know we’d had a hand in bringing the smallest joy to a little one who was suffering in so many ways.
And then, a day or so after our gift arrived, he began to get worse. The messages posted on his page were increasingly worrisome, as this already very ill child fought infections upon fevers upon complications. I would read the heartbreaking status messages and weep, send my prayers along and fervently hope for an improvement when the next status was posted…but the news continued to grow more and more grim.
People around me told me to stop looking for updates—it was obviously too painful. I knew they only said these things out of concern for me but I honestly couldn’t imagine turning away. Painful as it was, as much as I ached for that baby and his mother, tuning out and acting as if this wasn’t happening simply wasn’t an option. What if this were my child? Wouldn’t I want everyone—family, friends, people I casually knew, complete strangers for that matter—to send up their prayers, to buoy me with heartfelt wishes when I felt like I couldn’t take another moment, to shower me and my son with their love from near and far, letting us know we weren’t alone as we suffered through the greatest challenge of our lives?
It’s certainly easier to live this way—not getting involved, not emotionally investing in others. They can let you down. They might disappoint you. And they might die. And then where does that leave you? Where is the logic to opening yourself up to the possibility of an unnecessary wound? And yet the complete and utter joy I felt at the notion that we brought a smile to the face of a sick child…the elation on my own childrens’ faces when they knew he’d received and enjoyed their present…this was actually his gift to us. I will never meet him (he lives across the country), so he will never understand how, for a couple of days, we were walking on air, so happy to have made a difference—even for that one day. To have been able to distract a little boy from his illness, to make him laugh—and all it took was a small gesture on our part? What a privilege! And no matter what happens with his illness, we will always have that knowledge and those very special memories.
The boy is still fighting and I will continue to check on him, offer my prayers, celebrate his triumphs, and weep for his suffering. Because this is what I would hope his family would do for me if, God forbid, our roles were reversed. This is the world I want to live in and the model I would like to be for my own children.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Familiar vs Unfamiliar
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Do you have a favorite pair of slippers? How about a sweater that makes you feel cozy? Is there a familiar recipe that you go to on any given weeknight? Things we know, things we recognize, things that make us smile because of their scent, feel, form or function are important pillars in our lives.
I love my mint green terry bathrobe--it envelopes me in warmth and comfort. Vanilla is a scent that relaxes me and fills me with peace. I can tell out of the corner of my eye, which of my two cats is walking across a room. Sapphire's familiar gait and form is one piece of making my day complete.
I felt that same relaxing familiar feeling last week when Heartworks of Long Valley met at the Teen Center. It felt good to be together. It was fulfilling to reach out to so many lovely people in their time of need. And yet, there was something NEW in the air that kept the evening fresh and interesting.
Many of you are aware of some of the changes recently made to the structure of Heartworks of Long Valley. We are meeting four times a year, rather than monthly. We also have more volunteers to participate in the various parts of preparing for a meeting, organizing giving opportunities, carrying out elements of the meeting and also delivering any items to the recipients.
These are unfamiliar territories for those of us who have been involved with Heartworks for a number of years. Change can be good and I am confident that the decisions made are for the well-being of the group and will ultimately enhance the experience.
Heartworks allows me just enough familiar to be comfortable, but also enough "new" to keep me feeling energized. How about you?
Do you have a favorite pair of slippers? How about a sweater that makes you feel cozy? Is there a familiar recipe that you go to on any given weeknight? Things we know, things we recognize, things that make us smile because of their scent, feel, form or function are important pillars in our lives.
I love my mint green terry bathrobe--it envelopes me in warmth and comfort. Vanilla is a scent that relaxes me and fills me with peace. I can tell out of the corner of my eye, which of my two cats is walking across a room. Sapphire's familiar gait and form is one piece of making my day complete.
I felt that same relaxing familiar feeling last week when Heartworks of Long Valley met at the Teen Center. It felt good to be together. It was fulfilling to reach out to so many lovely people in their time of need. And yet, there was something NEW in the air that kept the evening fresh and interesting.
Many of you are aware of some of the changes recently made to the structure of Heartworks of Long Valley. We are meeting four times a year, rather than monthly. We also have more volunteers to participate in the various parts of preparing for a meeting, organizing giving opportunities, carrying out elements of the meeting and also delivering any items to the recipients.
These are unfamiliar territories for those of us who have been involved with Heartworks for a number of years. Change can be good and I am confident that the decisions made are for the well-being of the group and will ultimately enhance the experience.
Heartworks allows me just enough familiar to be comfortable, but also enough "new" to keep me feeling energized. How about you?
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Reflections of the Past
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Today we have a guest blogger! I am pleased to have Peggy DeLong, co-founder of the Long Valley Heartworks group with us today presenting her first guest blog.
Megan and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I was a year ahead of her in school. Back then in elementary school, it was unusual to be close with girls who were not in your own grade just because there were not many opportunities for interaction. But there was something about two girls in particular, Megan Sullivan and Amy Michalowski. I remember attending their sixth grade graduation and giving them carnations, and feeling very special that I was their “older” friend. Another friend of Megan's, who was also my friend in high school, Lisa Kertesz Kelly, is the leader of Heartworks of Vermont. I find it interesting that 30 years later, the four of us are involved with Heartworks in different states, Megan as Founder and leader of the Bernardsville group, Amy as the leader of a Heartworks group in Rhode Island, Lisa as the leader of a Heartworks group in Vermont, and me as co-founder of the Long Valley chapter, along with Jen DeSimone, who serves as our leader. As little girls, we had no idea how our lives would later be connected.
Megan has been doing “heartworks” or acts of kindness long before she had a formal name for it, just in the way she was, and the way she reached out to others. My fiance passed away on 10/11/94 after a seven month valiant fight with cancer. By a cruel twist of fate, all of my closest friends moved away that August, September, or October of 1994. Nancy moved to Connecticut, Kristen moved to Arizona, Ali moved to Virginia, Amy moved to California, Jennifer moved to Colorado, Jeriann was already in Georgia, and Jody, Larry, and the band moved to Nashville. Everyone was moving on with their lives for graduate school, jobs, and relationships, and I was stuck in my grief without my core support, other than my dear family. Then one day I received a card in the mail from Megan. We had lost touch for years, maybe even ten years. In the bottom corner of the card in tiny numbers, she gave me her phone number, and she let me know that she was back in Bernardsville. I called her, and then began our regular walks, which sustained me through my darkest time.
I remember one walk in particular. We were walking up the steep part of Rolling Hill Road, coming from Seney Drive. I told Megan that I could not even think about or bear another loss, and that I often worried about my father’s health. The next day, my father died. He spent most of the day before getting ready for his first day of skiing. He was taking an early season trip to Vermont. He took out all of his equipment and wore his ski boots around the house most of the day. He even proudly showed me how he fixed the rip in his ski pants with duct tape, and we talked about our upcoming trip to Lake Tahoe (Squaw Valley) to visit my brother David. My father died on a chairlift while skiing at Okemo Mountain in Vermont on 11/21/94. The ski patrol were able to tell us that they had seen him skiing, so we were comforted that at least he got some good runs in. He had an unusual and unforgettable way of skiing that exuded happiness. Skiing casually with his arms out, listening to his tunes. But I don’t think he was in his multi-colored clown wig that day.
While this was so tragic and such a blow to me and my family, who had just lost my fiance six weeks earlier, I was comforted by some thoughts my father shared with me just two weeks before. My father was very close to my fiance, and his death really took a toll on him. He was so heartbroken to lose his future son-in-law, and to see me in so much pain. We talked a lot about death after Scott died, and one of the things my father said was, "If I have it my way, I'm going to die on a chairlift." He said that is where he felt the most at peace and the closest to God, breathing in the cool mountain air. Well, two weeks later after he said that, he died alone on a chairlift from a sudden heart attack. Although way too young, he died exactly the way he wanted to. Knowing this was such a comfort to me and my family. It does not get any better than that. Beautiful.
Once again, Megan was there for me. And my friends all flew back home again from their various locations for my father’s funeral, after just being there six weeks before for my fiance’s funeral. And then they all left. Megan was around for a little while, and then she too left, moving to Colorado. But she left me with the strength I needed to get through the worst part. And then the next ski season came around, and I met my now husband. Actually, the ski season had ended, but it was with my ski buddies at a mountain biking party that I met John.
Now, meeting him through my ski friends is not strange, as many of my friends met their husbands through skiing. But it is strange that John and I skied the same mountains every weekend since we were in grade school, but we never crossed paths. We had several friends in common, and on one of our first dates, he asked why HIS friends were in MY 15 year old photo album! As Kristen put in her wedding toast to us, “The most remarkable aspect of your union with Peggy is that you unwittingly skied the same mountain since childhood, not knowing that each trip down the slope, each turn or mogul negotiated, was bringing you closer to each other.” Although he did not have the opportunity to meet my father through me, John knew my father before he even met me. He knew him as the crazy man who skied at Jack Frost on Wednesdays in a multi-colored clown wig, and who said hello and talked to everyone.
I was also thinking about how many lives have been touched since Megan founded Heartworks. Not only through the original Bernardsville group, but also the Vermont group, Rhode Island group, Long Valley group, and former kids’ group in Florida. What I love about Heartworks is reaching out and connecting with other people.
One particular situation came to mind. A couple of years ago, my town unexpectedly lost a loved member of the community, a man I did not know. Heartworks members each chose a month to reach out to the family, which included that man’s wife, his daughter, and his son. When it was my turn, I was at a loss as to how to reach out. One of the things I decided upon was to give the son a lego set for his age. I felt uncomfortable about delivering a gift to strangers who were still in the midst of their grief, and I procrastinated dropping off the gifts long after I purchased them. As I drove down the driveway to the house, my heart was pounding. I went to the front door and rang the bell. The wife was not home, but I left the package with her mother. I only left my first and last name, and that the gift was from Heartworks.
A couple days later, I was at home and the doorbell rang. An woman I did not recognize was at my door. I was hesitant to open the door for someone I did not know. I opened the door, and she asked me if I was Peggy. I thought to myself, “Oh no! She even knows my name!” Then she told me her name, and the two of us immediately embraced. She took the time to track down my address to thank me in person for the gifts that I gave her family. She stated that the gift for her son arrived on her son’s birthday. I guess there was a special reason for my procrastination. She also said that the only thing that her son wanted for his birthday was a lego set, and her son thought that the gift was a gift from his father sent from heaven through me. Coincidence, I think not. I love the saying, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”
So today, I thank Megan for re-entering my life and providing me with the support and strength that I needed after the deaths of my fiance and my father. I also thank her for starting Heartworks and bringing Heartworks into my life. I thank Jen DeSimone for leading Heartworks of Long Valley. I thank my father for his goofiness and teaching me what is important in life. I thank my mother for continuing to be my rock in my adult life. I thank God for bringing John into my life. I thank God for my three beautiful children. I thank John for creating with me the family and life I always dreamed of having.
Today we have a guest blogger! I am pleased to have Peggy DeLong, co-founder of the Long Valley Heartworks group with us today presenting her first guest blog.
Reflections on the Past by Peggy DeLong
I spent much of yesterday reflecting on my past and events that have led to where I am today. I was struck by how lives cross, coincidences occur, and you sometimes don’t know the significance until years later, or decades later.
I was thinking about how Heartworks got started. My dear friend from childhood, Megan Sullivan McDowell, founded Heartworks after she witnessed the outpouring of support for the families who lost loved ones on that tragic day. Her sister’s husband, John Farrell, died that day. Megan had the opportunity to witness and experience the support from all over the world provided to her sister and family. In Megan’s own words: “I cannot remember when it exactly was. But I can clearly remember saying to myself that when we have our feet solidly on the ground again, I would spend the rest of my life paying forward all the kindness shown to my family. My silent appreciation needed to be said out loud, in a way that would benefit others as it had my sister.” Megan then founded Heartworks, an Acts of Kindness group. In 2011, they opened Heartworks House in Bernardsville.
I was thinking about how Heartworks got started. My dear friend from childhood, Megan Sullivan McDowell, founded Heartworks after she witnessed the outpouring of support for the families who lost loved ones on that tragic day. Her sister’s husband, John Farrell, died that day. Megan had the opportunity to witness and experience the support from all over the world provided to her sister and family. In Megan’s own words: “I cannot remember when it exactly was. But I can clearly remember saying to myself that when we have our feet solidly on the ground again, I would spend the rest of my life paying forward all the kindness shown to my family. My silent appreciation needed to be said out loud, in a way that would benefit others as it had my sister.” Megan then founded Heartworks, an Acts of Kindness group. In 2011, they opened Heartworks House in Bernardsville.
Megan and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I was a year ahead of her in school. Back then in elementary school, it was unusual to be close with girls who were not in your own grade just because there were not many opportunities for interaction. But there was something about two girls in particular, Megan Sullivan and Amy Michalowski. I remember attending their sixth grade graduation and giving them carnations, and feeling very special that I was their “older” friend. Another friend of Megan's, who was also my friend in high school, Lisa Kertesz Kelly, is the leader of Heartworks of Vermont. I find it interesting that 30 years later, the four of us are involved with Heartworks in different states, Megan as Founder and leader of the Bernardsville group, Amy as the leader of a Heartworks group in Rhode Island, Lisa as the leader of a Heartworks group in Vermont, and me as co-founder of the Long Valley chapter, along with Jen DeSimone, who serves as our leader. As little girls, we had no idea how our lives would later be connected.
Megan has been doing “heartworks” or acts of kindness long before she had a formal name for it, just in the way she was, and the way she reached out to others. My fiance passed away on 10/11/94 after a seven month valiant fight with cancer. By a cruel twist of fate, all of my closest friends moved away that August, September, or October of 1994. Nancy moved to Connecticut, Kristen moved to Arizona, Ali moved to Virginia, Amy moved to California, Jennifer moved to Colorado, Jeriann was already in Georgia, and Jody, Larry, and the band moved to Nashville. Everyone was moving on with their lives for graduate school, jobs, and relationships, and I was stuck in my grief without my core support, other than my dear family. Then one day I received a card in the mail from Megan. We had lost touch for years, maybe even ten years. In the bottom corner of the card in tiny numbers, she gave me her phone number, and she let me know that she was back in Bernardsville. I called her, and then began our regular walks, which sustained me through my darkest time.
I remember one walk in particular. We were walking up the steep part of Rolling Hill Road, coming from Seney Drive. I told Megan that I could not even think about or bear another loss, and that I often worried about my father’s health. The next day, my father died. He spent most of the day before getting ready for his first day of skiing. He was taking an early season trip to Vermont. He took out all of his equipment and wore his ski boots around the house most of the day. He even proudly showed me how he fixed the rip in his ski pants with duct tape, and we talked about our upcoming trip to Lake Tahoe (Squaw Valley) to visit my brother David. My father died on a chairlift while skiing at Okemo Mountain in Vermont on 11/21/94. The ski patrol were able to tell us that they had seen him skiing, so we were comforted that at least he got some good runs in. He had an unusual and unforgettable way of skiing that exuded happiness. Skiing casually with his arms out, listening to his tunes. But I don’t think he was in his multi-colored clown wig that day.
While this was so tragic and such a blow to me and my family, who had just lost my fiance six weeks earlier, I was comforted by some thoughts my father shared with me just two weeks before. My father was very close to my fiance, and his death really took a toll on him. He was so heartbroken to lose his future son-in-law, and to see me in so much pain. We talked a lot about death after Scott died, and one of the things my father said was, "If I have it my way, I'm going to die on a chairlift." He said that is where he felt the most at peace and the closest to God, breathing in the cool mountain air. Well, two weeks later after he said that, he died alone on a chairlift from a sudden heart attack. Although way too young, he died exactly the way he wanted to. Knowing this was such a comfort to me and my family. It does not get any better than that. Beautiful.
Once again, Megan was there for me. And my friends all flew back home again from their various locations for my father’s funeral, after just being there six weeks before for my fiance’s funeral. And then they all left. Megan was around for a little while, and then she too left, moving to Colorado. But she left me with the strength I needed to get through the worst part. And then the next ski season came around, and I met my now husband. Actually, the ski season had ended, but it was with my ski buddies at a mountain biking party that I met John.
Now, meeting him through my ski friends is not strange, as many of my friends met their husbands through skiing. But it is strange that John and I skied the same mountains every weekend since we were in grade school, but we never crossed paths. We had several friends in common, and on one of our first dates, he asked why HIS friends were in MY 15 year old photo album! As Kristen put in her wedding toast to us, “The most remarkable aspect of your union with Peggy is that you unwittingly skied the same mountain since childhood, not knowing that each trip down the slope, each turn or mogul negotiated, was bringing you closer to each other.” Although he did not have the opportunity to meet my father through me, John knew my father before he even met me. He knew him as the crazy man who skied at Jack Frost on Wednesdays in a multi-colored clown wig, and who said hello and talked to everyone.
I was also thinking about how many lives have been touched since Megan founded Heartworks. Not only through the original Bernardsville group, but also the Vermont group, Rhode Island group, Long Valley group, and former kids’ group in Florida. What I love about Heartworks is reaching out and connecting with other people.
One particular situation came to mind. A couple of years ago, my town unexpectedly lost a loved member of the community, a man I did not know. Heartworks members each chose a month to reach out to the family, which included that man’s wife, his daughter, and his son. When it was my turn, I was at a loss as to how to reach out. One of the things I decided upon was to give the son a lego set for his age. I felt uncomfortable about delivering a gift to strangers who were still in the midst of their grief, and I procrastinated dropping off the gifts long after I purchased them. As I drove down the driveway to the house, my heart was pounding. I went to the front door and rang the bell. The wife was not home, but I left the package with her mother. I only left my first and last name, and that the gift was from Heartworks.
A couple days later, I was at home and the doorbell rang. An woman I did not recognize was at my door. I was hesitant to open the door for someone I did not know. I opened the door, and she asked me if I was Peggy. I thought to myself, “Oh no! She even knows my name!” Then she told me her name, and the two of us immediately embraced. She took the time to track down my address to thank me in person for the gifts that I gave her family. She stated that the gift for her son arrived on her son’s birthday. I guess there was a special reason for my procrastination. She also said that the only thing that her son wanted for his birthday was a lego set, and her son thought that the gift was a gift from his father sent from heaven through me. Coincidence, I think not. I love the saying, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”
So today, I thank Megan for re-entering my life and providing me with the support and strength that I needed after the deaths of my fiance and my father. I also thank her for starting Heartworks and bringing Heartworks into my life. I thank Jen DeSimone for leading Heartworks of Long Valley. I thank my father for his goofiness and teaching me what is important in life. I thank my mother for continuing to be my rock in my adult life. I thank God for bringing John into my life. I thank God for my three beautiful children. I thank John for creating with me the family and life I always dreamed of having.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
One Simple Act
Saturday, December 15, 2012
We cannot make sense of the shooting in Newtown Connecticut yesterday. We have no understanding of the events that led a madman to take the lives of 28 people, mostly kindergarteners. It is incomprehensible. I haven't yet wrapped my mind around the evil that presented itself in a most graphic manner. One act that brought horror.
We can respond with fear, trepidation and anger. Seems natural when faced with such a violent end to innocent lives. Of course we are outraged, ready to strike out forcefully against any threat to our own security. We react with the innate self-preservation actions and feelings. These are not incorrect or socially irresponsible.
But there are alternative responses we can consider. We can react to this cloud of evil by shining so much light and love in the world that darkness is obliterated. We will not reverse the actions taken on Friday by the shooter, but we don't have to allow darkness to beget more darkness. The way to push away evil is to fight it with LOVE.
We can show love to our families, our friends, a senior in line at Shop Rite, a pierced teen at Game Stop or animals displaced by Hurricane Sandy. We can change our thinking when our automatic response to a sarcastic comment from a frienemy is with snarky comeback. We can choose to overlook a slight by a sister-in-law or a mistake by a waitress at Applebees.
We can make a donation to a charity where we feel a connection. We can pray for those experiencing pain of all kinds. We can let someone else have the close parking spot at Toys R Us. We can be present in our day, being aware of nuances we may otherwise miss. One simple act can bring about positive energy.
These are all choices. They may feel unnatural and require conscious effort. But be reassured that each small act of kindness shines a glimmer of light into the world, obliterating even a small bit of darkness somewhere. Do it as a way to honor the lives lost on Friday. Our combined efforts will create a glow large enough to be seen all around the world.
What will you do this weekend to light a spark?
We cannot make sense of the shooting in Newtown Connecticut yesterday. We have no understanding of the events that led a madman to take the lives of 28 people, mostly kindergarteners. It is incomprehensible. I haven't yet wrapped my mind around the evil that presented itself in a most graphic manner. One act that brought horror.
We can respond with fear, trepidation and anger. Seems natural when faced with such a violent end to innocent lives. Of course we are outraged, ready to strike out forcefully against any threat to our own security. We react with the innate self-preservation actions and feelings. These are not incorrect or socially irresponsible.
But there are alternative responses we can consider. We can react to this cloud of evil by shining so much light and love in the world that darkness is obliterated. We will not reverse the actions taken on Friday by the shooter, but we don't have to allow darkness to beget more darkness. The way to push away evil is to fight it with LOVE.
We can show love to our families, our friends, a senior in line at Shop Rite, a pierced teen at Game Stop or animals displaced by Hurricane Sandy. We can change our thinking when our automatic response to a sarcastic comment from a frienemy is with snarky comeback. We can choose to overlook a slight by a sister-in-law or a mistake by a waitress at Applebees.
We can make a donation to a charity where we feel a connection. We can pray for those experiencing pain of all kinds. We can let someone else have the close parking spot at Toys R Us. We can be present in our day, being aware of nuances we may otherwise miss. One simple act can bring about positive energy.
These are all choices. They may feel unnatural and require conscious effort. But be reassured that each small act of kindness shines a glimmer of light into the world, obliterating even a small bit of darkness somewhere. Do it as a way to honor the lives lost on Friday. Our combined efforts will create a glow large enough to be seen all around the world.
What will you do this weekend to light a spark?
Monday, December 10, 2012
Katie Meyler
Monday, December 10, 2012
Saturday night the Chase American Giving Awards were on NBC. Were you watching? It was so exciting to to watch Katie Meyler and the More Than Me organization win the top prize of $1 Million!
I had the pleasure of having Katie Meyler come to a Heartworks meeting last year.
Here is Katie (2nd from the left, wearing red) with our Heartworks ladies.
Let me tell you a little about Katie--despite growing up in a mostly-wealthy town, she had a difficult childhood. She says she was the "poor" family in town. The family who would receive garbage bags of used clothing at the back door from anonymous donors. Her mother struggled to raise her three children alone.
Katie wanted to find her way in the world. She took a trip to Haiti and fell in love with helping people. She had an awakening and realized that her childhood had been luxury in comparison to the lives of so many in the world!
Many girls she found on a subsequent trip to Liberia were orphans and lacked even basics like clean drinking water. Girls as young as 8 were brought into prostitution because it afforded them an income they otherwise would be without.
Katie was resolved to find a way to come back to Liberia and help get little girls off the streets and into school. More Than Me was born a short time later. Katie works tirelessly and constantly gathering support for the More Than Me Foundation. See more of her story here:
http://youtu.be/Ue7MMHCyxXA
When she came to my Heartworks meeting, she spoke frankly and passionately about her experiences and what she is doing to help girls get off the street and into school. What a genuine, positive force in the world! Everyone at the meeting was touched by her story, her honesty and her desire to change.
When Katie found out that she was one of 25 organizations in the finals for the Chase American Giving Awards, she began a 24 hour, 7-day a week campaign to generate votes for More Than Me. This woman has barely slept, barely eaten while pleading for votes.
How wonderful to see the result of her efforts: being awarded the highest prize from Chase--$1 Million to help get more girls into schools in Liberia!! Congratulations!!
To learn more about More Than Me, visit www.morethanme.org.
To learn more about Heartworks,visit
www.njheartworks.org
Saturday night the Chase American Giving Awards were on NBC. Were you watching? It was so exciting to to watch Katie Meyler and the More Than Me organization win the top prize of $1 Million!
I had the pleasure of having Katie Meyler come to a Heartworks meeting last year.
Here is Katie (2nd from the left, wearing red) with our Heartworks ladies.
Katie grew up in a town nearby and the founder of Heartworks, Megan McDowell has been a supporter of Katie's efforts for a long time.
Let me tell you a little about Katie--despite growing up in a mostly-wealthy town, she had a difficult childhood. She says she was the "poor" family in town. The family who would receive garbage bags of used clothing at the back door from anonymous donors. Her mother struggled to raise her three children alone.
Katie wanted to find her way in the world. She took a trip to Haiti and fell in love with helping people. She had an awakening and realized that her childhood had been luxury in comparison to the lives of so many in the world!
Many girls she found on a subsequent trip to Liberia were orphans and lacked even basics like clean drinking water. Girls as young as 8 were brought into prostitution because it afforded them an income they otherwise would be without.
Katie was resolved to find a way to come back to Liberia and help get little girls off the streets and into school. More Than Me was born a short time later. Katie works tirelessly and constantly gathering support for the More Than Me Foundation. See more of her story here:
http://youtu.be/Ue7MMHCyxXA
When she came to my Heartworks meeting, she spoke frankly and passionately about her experiences and what she is doing to help girls get off the street and into school. What a genuine, positive force in the world! Everyone at the meeting was touched by her story, her honesty and her desire to change.
When Katie found out that she was one of 25 organizations in the finals for the Chase American Giving Awards, she began a 24 hour, 7-day a week campaign to generate votes for More Than Me. This woman has barely slept, barely eaten while pleading for votes.
How wonderful to see the result of her efforts: being awarded the highest prize from Chase--$1 Million to help get more girls into schools in Liberia!! Congratulations!!
To learn more about More Than Me, visit www.morethanme.org.
To learn more about Heartworks,visit
www.njheartworks.org
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